I am not going to keep you guessing.

I hate speed bumps.

I understand why they were invented, tested and implemented around the World. The reason is obvious; to reduce speed at carefully picked places. You can see the bumps scattered at roads around playgrounds, packed and planned community  housing centers, schools, busy and dangerous sharp junctions, universities, etc.

I get it. Nobody wants to get hurt.

What I don’t get is when they start putting speed bumps at traffic lights, up on a hill, 5 speed bumps in 100 meters, double speed bumps and more and more bumps at unsuspected places like dark, spooky graveyards.

Just what are they expecting?

I drive a small car and it’s manual which means when you up against a bump, any gear more than 3 used should be shifted down to gear 2 to pass a stupid bump (if not, Carlos will start vibrating.) I love my car. Of course many consulted me to change to an auto car but it has it’s pro and cons. I’m sticking to Carlos but when I start my encounters with more speed bumps than I can count in the middle of the night, lost and without a sign to guide me then I wish I could strangle the person who suggested the bumps.

I want to get out of this freakin’ middle of nowhere and there it was reducing my speed so that the people in the graveyard won’t be woken up with all the rackets the traffic are making.

I swear to God if I find another…and there it was…

Argh….!!I feel like screaming. If I find this person who suggested the speed bump invention (I know he’s dead already) I would show him how it’s done. Yes, sir. I’m doing all the trashing. I would peel him alive with potato peeler then soak him with salt and then maybe marinate him with curry powder and deep fry him and then maybe feed him to…to…maybe Bengal Tiger. I hope they like deep fried human meat seasoned with Indian spice and some salt.

I wonder if I put too much salt..hmmm…

Anyway, I would kill him mercilessly, although some might find it amateurishly.

I don’t care.

Have you got any idea when you’re holding a huge amount of urine in your bladder and all you see is 300 speed bumps in the last 5 kilometers of your journey to find the next toilet?

Each bump climbing is agony and going slowly down the bump never helped, no matter how slow. It nearly crashed your bladder which grows to the size of a healthy watermelon comprising of all the 3 liter water you drank all afternoon.

And when you turn your head around to the backseat of your car you see your friends laughing their heads off seeing your almost-green face hue at each bump controlling all exit routes from each pore of your body.

One bump is too many. Imagine 500 meters of double bumps.

The bladder might burst and you’d die happy.

But urine bladder is not designed that way so you endure other bumps and curse slowly (but meaningfully) at the inventor.

I can’t imagine what would a heart patient or a lady whose uterus squeezing out a head with the size of a cabbage would say while climbing up a stupid bump.

I hope the inventor died unfulfilled.


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