I am already nervous since last week, when my editor mailed me and casually mentioned about my book launching party.
Was it necessary? And she laughed. She probably thought it was a joke but that, coming from a person who has yet to speak in front of public eyes for several years was really fear manifesting in a stupid question.
We were given 2 hours to talk about ourselves, me and other 2 writers. So I guess the torture won’t be as bad as I thought it would be. The guys already published several books under their belt. I am the rookie. They have the experience and I could pretty much ask them whatever things they went through all these while. I am anxious though. I wish someone I knew would come, someone I could call a friend but I have to remind myself that I have none and prefer to not have such high hopes on anyone because people leave and they are whole. I am mostly broken.
I have been playing my dreams over and over again in my head and none of the consequences of being an author involved in a book launching party. I must have had forgotten about that while preparing for my Nobel Prize speech. But I do remember some fantasy about some radio interviews and magazine spread and talk shows and even a moving speech in front of bright-eyed students writing everything inspirational that came out of my mouth. It seemed so bright and beautiful future I have for myself. Nothing like I am now; helpless and quite unhappy with my life.
But I must go on and to be honest I hope to gain a new perspective from this short journey to Kuala Lumpur.