Almost 6 Months

Six months ago I would never guessed that I would be here. I was crying alone in a tiny room, resenting the air that I breathe in. I did not go out of my room, let alone the house. I was determined that no one cared. No one would help.

I was thinking of a short cut. Maybe there is. Maybe I can do it.

Maybe.

I was broken in so many places. I couldn’t put myself back together. After several attempts, I didn’t even bother trying.

I stopped talking. I stopped being fun. I can’t even laugh out loud. I didn’t bother much about eating. I resented company. I hated everything.

I existed. Pretty much.

The change came swiftly. I wanted it to happen so much that I covered it with a lie. I felt guilty but that’s the only way that I can survive. I want to properly breathe again.

It’s amazing how I can almost be whole again.

It’s nice to laugh again.

It’s nice to move again.

It’s nice to breathe again.

DSCN1081

Breathe

When I read sad things on my dashboard I always wish that I could offer something; a cup of coffee, a hug, a shoulder, just to make those poor souls feel better or if possible, to make the misery melt away.

I don’t know who you are and what you’re going through but as a person that has been broken before I even knew the word ‘broken’, I get you.

Life tries to get to you sometimes in the meanest way possible. Don’t play by the rules. Your priority is you. Stop demeaning yourself because of things that you can’t control.

You’re perfect just the way you are.

I have no knowledge of a working advice or a cheap medicine. I did only one thing that made sense.

I took a long deep breath.

So breathe. Stop listening to the voices in your head or the ones amplifying it around you during your wake. If you can, close your eyes and bring an image of the happiest you and hold to it. You will get there.

Just do one thing first.

Breathe.

And another.

Years from now you’ll wear those scars proudly and knew that you lived. You did not exist. You are alive.

Everything will be o.k in the end. If it’s not o.k then it’s not the end.