The Complicated Battle of a Middle Age Fangirl

Maybe I should be ashamed but whoever knew this photo will pledge your loyalty to me. The CABBAGE MERCHANT is not simply a fool in Avatarverse. He is one of the key characters and played major part in re-telling Aang’s story, though we can fairly doubt the authenticity.

In fact, it was him that prompted me to watch 61 episodes of Avatar: The Last Airbender in less than 3 days (I could have finished it in 2 but my head was spinning) and later Legend of Korra‘s first 3 books and resented it because I should have waited for Book 4 to finish but then no one has that amount of patience.



I am a thirty one year old woman and I cry watching anime. That is the truth in all its splendour. I want an Appa stuff toy and I saw some cute ones on Etsy and quite a cheaper one (Made in China) on Amazon, probably advertised by the same company. I hyperventilate when I saw a Momo cap or a glow in the dark Airbender tattoo sweater (you can’t say that’s not cool!) and I wish I could bend metal when I’m in a train.

Book 4 is ending in about 10 weeks and I don’t know how am I going to get through it. More tearbending, perhaps. Maybe it’s the same like the Harry Potter series. Though I cannot say I am most upset with it. I was quite upset reading the epilogue of Mockingjay because it ended (movie-wise, I have another year of fangirling with Mockingjay Part II. Weehoo!) but Avatar: The Last Airbender took the icing on the cake because it’s one of the most amazing ideas ever realized on international t.v.

It’s not because it’s so weird not seeing Zuko again. Or Toph. Or Katara. Or even Sokka. It’s the brilliance of the team and the writing that made it shine. The wisdom of Uncle Iroh, the bravery of standing up for what you believe, that disability is just another identity and surprisingly a unique way of perceiving things and the value of humor in unimaginable situation is better than panic. And friendship. Always friendship.

It’s just such a wonderful series that I often squeal in delight (or pulls hair in anguish) after about 22 minutes of focused sighting and I just want to tell the world about all the good things, bad things, stupid puns, jokes, my own hypothesis and head canons but all of my friends are not into animes or even squealing for cartoons anymore. I have this geiser funneling in my veins and no way of channeling it out. It’s boiling and swirling in a vortex of giggling words and hushed whispers and thunderous glee but I have in my possession no way to express that without sounding like an idiot.

So I head for Tumblr. Those people understand. They don’t judge. I can rest contented that someone in Canada or Australia or South Africa knew exactly what I felt each time we watch the episodes or sought out a funny new meme. It’s hard work, I tell you because of the time zones and the wifi connection and if they’re not grounded without the new wifi password.

It sucks.

All I wanted was to be happy, watching my favourite program and squeal together with my girlfriends, right here, right now *sigh* but I guess that would not be possible. Well, this is better than nothing.

Episode Four next week!


The Potter Dilemma

I crave for the book. It’s quite embarrassing to admit but I only have 1 out of 7 books and it was the 6th in the series. I didn’t even know how I got it. Suddenly there it was, sitting nicely on my book stand, a hardcover copy of Harry Potter and The Half Blood Prince.

Holy shit! Where does that came from?

I’m happy, mind you. Don’t be deceived by the tone but I’m puzzled, too. I never had that much money to buy expensive books and HP books are the ones that I would say so. Though I only own one book, I’ve read them all. I steal and hoard them (and secretly marked the pages) when I’m in the store. I was not drawn to them immediately. I only found out about the series when the second book was long out. I was at USM and I went to KOMTAR’s Popular just to read it because of some raved reviews in the local newspaper. A book can’t be that good, I thought. Ohoho, I was an idiot to even think about that because much to my surprise I stood still in the middle of the aisle for about 6 hours straight just to finish one book, ignoring the sarcasm and the constant movements of the employees and people that frequented the store. I swear I could smell victory after finishing it all in one extreme go. And then I realized that I couldn’t really feel my kneecaps.

And that’s magic, ladies and gentleman. You forget reality. That was quite a powerful first impression.

I haven’t got an addiction that bad since Enid Blyton’s series. My favourite is still the fourth book and that was it. Harry Potter and The Goblet of Fire was the last delicious read of all the series. After that, they were all clouded with Dementor’s kisses and gloom. It was all downhill since Order of Phoenix. I was a little upset (*spoiler alert*) that Sirius died. And then when (*spoiler alert*) Dumbledore died I was in a horrible mood for about a week. Of course, I would never recover from the Epilogue.

Note: You might not agree with my opinion. The fandom was split 50-50. I respect other people’s opinion but this is my general take on it.

It was the most horrible thing I ever read (well, if you compare it to the first chapter and how J.K Rowling managed to capture your attention and made you stood motionless in bookstores to read her books illegally because you couldn’t afford it and was banned/kicked out from several bookstores so just to one day know that the evil villain would be defeated.)

All those hours and I got this Epilogue? This, this….filth?

I will never get over it. I hope I will find the strength in my heart to forgive that piece of…thing. First of all, I didn’t need it. It was all good. The final chapter was o.k. And then, Epilogue happened. I find it quite disturbing that J.K Rowling went to all the trouble of pairing everyone with everyone in the Magical World of Harry and everyone rushed to live happily ever after. This is elementary work of a teenage girl. A fanfic of some sort and it was not a good one. She had built such a wonderful world, took time to spin such beautiful tales, elaborated propaganda, described hundreds of faces, made us anticipate a wonderful climax and then, crush it down with happy ever after?

This is disappointment of the highest of degree.

I’m not against happily ever after. In this context, it just won’t do. I understand that book 8 won’t happen so she wanted to satisfy the curiosity of the readers, to tie loose ends. People are bound to ask what happens after the Battle of Hogwarts and she has all the answers. But, we don’t need the family tree of the Weasleys or to get to know their second cousin in an intimate affair. We do not need to know the levels of fertility and the life choices of all the students in Hogwarts, the name combination of their children or their complete resume up until they’re 40. Less info and keep it simple. If Suzanne Colllins can do it, so can you. People have their own imagination and can use it to a certain degree. It struck me as somewhat bossy to list down everything you want your characters to do before they die (I know it’s your invention and you have the rights to determine what he/she wants to do) but it sounded so wrong and immature that it seemed to be written by a different hand. That Ron’s brother married this girl. That Luna married this person and this person is related to this person. They all have children. I even spent the time and troubles to figure out their names. Deal with it.

Wow. Really? She used to sound so smart in the other books.

Another thing was the pairing of the Golden Trio. I think J.K Rowling described Harry’s feelings better with Cho Chang. It was more genuine and it was believable. I bought it. And then suddenly Ginny was the perfect candidate just because she was powerful and she was there, in the picture (Harry was suddenly jealous of her many snog partners which was an indicator of some sort) and she was declared fit for Harry. It seemed that the wizards and witches didn’t travel much and end up pretty much with the same gene pool. Pity. I always supported Mendel’s Law. Fleur was the only outsider incorporated intimately into their family. Harry-Ginny relationship was not believable to me, more like a lusty one night stand and hormone raging reflexes instead of the real deal. So when they end up together, it doesn’t sound right. You can’t have several pages of kisses, jealousy, lusty imaginations and churning romantic feelings between two people then bam! True love.

Nope. Not true enough for me.

Though Ron and Hermione’s relationship was rocky since the first book, I can’t believe Rowling made her pick Ron and rejected Krum. He was a complete arse. I felt such relief when she admitted that she made a mistake with the pairing of the two. It was an invitation for another great battle and the husband would probably die. Just, NO. You’re not a very good match-maker.

And Hermione with Harry? NO. What did I told you about matchmaking? Those two are platonic friends. You should know. You wrote them that way. You can’t wait 10 years and declare ‘no, they were supposed to be lovers.’ You finished them. Please. Let them go.

Personally, I think she didn’t write the right female for Harry. All of them will not do. They were just not compatible with Harry; emotionally or physically. I quite liked Cho but she dimmed in the last few books. To be honest, I would rather have him die than paired with the wrong lady.

Maybe that’s just me.

Another thing besides the excessive odd pairings and the unrealistically happily ever after ending, the writer hadn’t written a realistic PSTD follow up stories for the survivors. They went through a lot of things and they cannot be happy at the snap of a finger. A magic wand can’t obliviate everything. This is not a fairy tale (though they do have dragons) so it just made me foam in the mouth with anger. What is the point of writing a story so well and destroyed it by writing such a useless ending? It’s an insult to your own intelligence.


Anyway the reason for my obnoxious rant was that I wanted to buy the whole series (now that I have money) but I hate the Epilogue so much that I couldn’t bring myself to do it and it frustrates me. This had been going on for months. I missed reading it so much it hurts. I read and re-read the ebooks (in English and Spanish) and listened to the audiobooks (but it was never the same) and even browsed the online store several times a day. I remember being more angry when I think about the stupid Epilogue.

The day I read the last book was the day that I had to remind myself to not to throw a hardcover book from the sixth floor of my apartment building because I was reading my housemate’s thick, new book and it might hurt somebody. I had to tell myself that it was okay and it was just a book.

It was never ‘just’ a book.