I didn’t agree to most of my mother’s suggestion in attempt to look for a Soulmate for me. In fact, I didn’t agree at all. She’s not the only one that told me that I’m picky or have an extremely ‘high’ taste or I might end up alone if I keep at it.
Keep at what, exactly?
Doing some mental arithmetic, well if you are allowed to choose for a movie thoroughly (the time, the place, the price, the summary, the genre, the actors/actresses, the food that you’re going to smuggle, the language) that you would need less than two hours of your life to commit, or a book (the writer, the language, the genre, the font, the shop, the main plot, the thickness, the prizes won) that will take 2-3 days/less than a week/6 months/1 year to finish or even for a house/room/apartment (the size, the location, the housemates, the cleanliness, the landlord, the rent, the furniture, the ambiance, the projection of light, the neighbors, brief history) that you’d spend less than 10 years to sleep in and out and yet this thing called marriage which is a lifetime-no-money-back-guaranteed commitment and I am not allowed to choose?
This is just unfair.
I know this year would not be any easier. My best friend is getting married and that put my mother in a very uncomfortable situation. I know her since we were 11 and our family is quite close. We had been through a lot since school days and suddenly last month she decided to get engaged with her Soulmate.
This is the best news so far. I was over the moon when I heard it from her but it received a different reaction from my mother. Even on the phone you can tell if someone is feeling queasy or trying hard to sound cheerful with a frown on her face. Her first question was everything about the Soulmate (how did they met, how long have they been seeing each other, his job, his looks, his family, his education, his height – surely size does not matter, right?) I didn’t know that much though. Everything happened so fast. They are getting married after one month of engagement and several weeks of courting (by email it seemed.) I think we have a saying about this, that when it’s written then it shall be done.
How does one recognize another soul which complements her/him in such a short notice perfectly?
I conducted an informal survey about Soulmates. I asked everyone around me, especially the ones that had been married for many-many years. Many years to me count as more than 10 years.
The million dolar question was simple. ‘Do you think you married your Soulmate?’
Out of 10 beautiful couples, only one couple managed to say ‘Absolutely!’ and they have been together for 23 years. Both of Indian origin. The husband told me that according to Astrology and Numerology, they are both not compatible for each other but they go on with their plan and have their own way. They are still together and loving each other’s company with 2 beautiful children. Others that I asked said ‘it’s for the sake of the children’ or ‘he take good care of my family’ or simply ‘I can’t manage everything alone.’ They can put up with this for 10-20 years, which surprised me.
Does Soulmate actually exist?
I think I had watched or read too many fairy tales. Is it time to give up this sculpted image of Prince Charming on his stallion (or Ferrari, whichever comes first) that one day he would come and claim you for real? Do you marry a person because he’s convenient? (His family lives in the same village/town/state/country, speak the same language, have the same skin tone color, same religion, same hobby, same birthmark, same workplace, same shift, same class, same university, same dentist, same laundry-Walla, same building, etc) Do you love a person because he’s the total opposite of you? (big-small, quite-riot, tall-short, likes gardening-adores extreme sports or anything anti-gravity, etc.) Do you love him because your mother told you so? (He can support you here and afterlife!) Do you love him because he’s the only one that fits your gene pool preference? (I want your dimples on my children) It should be simple, right? For example, do you love him because you just do?
Does this person that you wish when you were naïve and so full of ideas of Mr. Right would turn up one day? What happens if he never would? What happens if he is dead? (Please refer to standard road accident statistics), What happens if he already married, taken or met another person who grab him by the horn and would never let go? What happens if he’s just not into your gender? What happens if he saw the glimpse of you, felt his heart vibrate but left it because he didn’t believe in this Soulmate crap? What happens if he’d just gave up looking and settled for someone because he/she’s there?
I have a list of qualities that I look for. I don’t reckon he would fit the requirement like a glove or a last piece of a complicated jigsaw puzzle but this is the least I could do to ensure my happiness with another person. As far as I’m concern a Soulmate can drive you up the wall too with his smelly socks and pickled undies no matter how compatible you are with each other.
I have a ‘thing’ for humor. I like funny men. Funny for me here does not mean men who crack jokes that you didn’t get and you pretend to laugh so that you’re not the only one who appears retarded. I mean witty conversations that tickle you to the bones with regards to anything under the sun. (I would try my best in politics) I like men who don’t take life too seriously. I don’t want men who argue about which hypotenuse does a diaper should be folded or plan the entire outing by the minute and asking for my plan in the next 10 minutes, 10 months or even 10 years. I like to be spontaneous and be surprised. I like to be cared about. I think that is important. I never had a man who cared about me except my family members. I imagine it would nice to be cared about by someone you really like and like you as much, no? Not stalking-care but just hints that he-is-thinking-about-you-care.
I like that this person is intellectually and emotionally better than me. I can say that I am a VOC (Volatile Organic Compound) and that is not good for my mental health. I need some balance – too sensitive is not good, or too stubborn. I also have this really stupid ‘thing’ with men who speak foreign languages. I don’t know why. I find them attractive. Do they actually are or in my mind they are just sexy? I like traveling and I wish to extend my next journey to parts further than Europe and he should not mind this because he too, is a reckless vagabond. I like the idea that life is a constant learning process, not the last stop on the map. If he agrees with everything else but this then maybe we should opt for another option like being neighbors who visits each other once a while or just a partition will do.
I have issues, do I?
It is frightening to face the World alone. It is not easy and a company would help tremendously. A friend is worth the trouble but pushing through it with a Soulmate is different, right? Was it worth all the pain and heartbreak? We are all wired to search for the Other Half of the Orange (Media Naranja) and we would keep at it until we think that we found what we’re looking for. We give excuses, we lie and we tell ourselves that no, we will never get what we wanted because it’s too good to be true. What if it’s always what you wanted in the first place? What if you’re the one who sabotaged yourself thinking that you can’t?
I don’t know what will happen in the future. There is too many ifs and uncertainties. But just maybe, just a tiny little hope would go a long way and I of all millions of people around the World would found what I’m looking for.